Opportunity Knocks #24 - Questions we don't want to know the answer to
Every Monday, I share reflections, ideas, questions, and content suggestions focused on championing, building, and accelerating opportunity for kids.
During one of my classes last week, our guest speaker, a child psychologist, was asked by students why there isn't more research on the effects of active shooter drills on students' mental well-being and academic performance.
The speaker mentioned common reasons: school boards and administrators needing to show they're taking proactive measures, the expansion of the school security industry, and the challenges of gathering accurate data (ethical limitations and - fortunately - low base rates of active-shooter incidents in schools make it hard to study lives saved by implementing drills (Jonson et al., 2020)).
She also casually suggested that we might be hesitant to understand the true consequences of the answer to that question. Maybe we don’t want to know. It was a throwaway comment. I’m not sure that she believes that, and I certainly don’t. But, her comment got me thinking about other questions we might not want to know the answers to because those answers come with responsibility, and sometimes, the burden of knowing can be overwhelming.Â
Here are some examples of questions folks might not want to know the answers to:
Existential Questions: Is there definitive proof of an afterlife or lack thereof?
Personal Destiny: When and how will I die?
The Universe: What’s the ultimate purpose of the universe?
Familial Relationships: Are there secrets in my family's past that might change how I view my loved ones?
Private Thoughts: Would you want to know the personal thoughts and judgments of others about you?
Hard Truths: Would we want to know if our strongest beliefs are false?
Future Predictions: Would we want to know negative events destined to happen in our lives?
Personal Potential: Would knowing the limits of our potential be demotivating?
Randomness vs Determinism: Would we want to know if every action is predetermined or if true randomness exists?
You get it. Back to kids. What questions about our children might we not want to know the answer to? Parents might feel apprehensive about seeking answers to certain questions because of fear, anxiety, societal pressure, or the emotional weight associated with them. Some examples include:
Illness: Do my child's symptoms indicate a severe or chronic illness?
Developmental Delays: Is my child showing signs of a developmental or cognitive delay?
Mental Health: Is my child exhibiting signs of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues?
Substance Abuse: Is my child experimenting with or regularly using drugs or alcohol?
Sexuality and Identity: Is my child questioning their sexuality or gender identity?
Academic Performance: Is my child struggling academically because of an undiagnosed learning disability or other challenge?
Social Struggles: Is my child being bullied or facing social isolation at school? Or is my child bullying others?
Behavioral Concerns: Do my child's behavioral issues indicate a deeper problem?
Safety: Has my child been exposed to inappropriate content online or been approached by strangers?
Relationships: Is my child engaging in intimate relationships or activities that they aren't physically or emotionally prepared for?
These types of questions follow children to school. Teachers might hesitate to know the answers to tricky questions because they fall outside of their professional expertise or purview, due to the emotional toll knowing might take, or because of potential ethical implications. Here are some examples:
Potential: What is the student’s ultimate potential?
Home Life: Are there neglectful, abusive, or other distressing situations occurring in the student's home?
Substance Use: Is the student using drugs or alcohol?
Mental Health: Does the student harbor self-harming thoughts or engage in self-harming behavior?
Peer Relations: Is the student involved in inappropriate or dangerous relationships, either with peers or adults?
Online Activity: What kind of content does the student access or share online, especially if it's inappropriate?
Intimate Relationships: Is the student engaging in intimate activities that might be risky or unhealthy?
Legal Activities: Is the student involved in illegal activities outside of school?
Personal Struggles: What are the student's deepest fears, insecurities, or personal challenges?
Future Outlook: Does the student hold pessimistic or bleak views about their own future?
Personal Beliefs: What are the student's personal or political beliefs that might be controversial or at odds with the teacher's own?
Most of us have been able to overcome the challenges of not wanting to face the answers to difficult questions through a combination of contemplation and introspection, acceptance, and proactive steps to confront our fears and biases. But it’s not easy.
Here are some strategies to help navigate this challenge:
Label the Fear: Recognize and accept the discomfort associated with the question. Sometimes, the mere act of acknowledging the fear or anxiety can diminish its power.
Reframe: Instead of viewing difficult questions as threats, see them as opportunities for growth, clarity, or understanding.
Find Support: Be open about your worries with trusted friends, family, or professionals. They can offer perspective, encouragement, or even share their own experiences.
Educate Yourself: Knowledge can be empowering. Do some preliminary research or seek expert opinions to better understand the context and implications of the question. But avoid rabbit holes.
Develop Resilience: Cultivate a mindset that embraces challenges and uncertainties. There is lots of research on the impact of techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and cognitive behavioral therapy.
Accept Uncertainty: Sometimes, you may not get a clear or definitive answer, and that's okay. Learning to live with uncertainty is a part of life. Some useful tips on how to do so from Dr. Christine Carter.
Practice Empathy: If the hard question involves others, approach it with empathy and understanding. This can help in navigating emotionally charged topics.
For particularly challenging or distressing questions, consider consulting professionals like therapists, counselors, or relevant experts who can provide guidance and support.
Until next week, be calm and be kind,
Andrew